Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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