I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
