My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
