I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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