Will you blow on my dice?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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