He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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