I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
