A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
