Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
