I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
