U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
