At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
