I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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