hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
