I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
