I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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