the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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