This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
