Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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