i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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