We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
