I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
