and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
