you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
