i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
