Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
