Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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