He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
