Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
