I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize