yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
