If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
