And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
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I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
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Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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