She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
