Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I touched a dick in church today
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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