So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
