all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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