I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
