Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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