i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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