yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
