I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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