Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
