I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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