Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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