I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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