Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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