she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
