yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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