I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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