question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
