It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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