I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
