True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
This house was built for laser tag.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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