She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
